Confessions of a Happy Wife

Last week marked the anniversary of the day my husband proposed. It's tough to believe it has been nine years since that day. I've been thinking of a certain saying. You know the one. "Time flies when you're having fun." Well, that saying applies to our marriage. Sort of.

I can say quite honestly that my husband and I have fun, and that our marriage is a happy one. But we haven't always enjoyed our marriage. We haven't always been a happy couple. In fact, we have struggled through numerous bitter, agonizing conflicts, and at times divorce has seemed like an attractive option (are there many married people who couldn't say the same?).

What, then, has kept us together? What has been the secret to our marital survival? I wish I could rattle off some kind of magic formula, a brilliant recipe for nuptial bliss. But honestly, our marriage has lasted--and is now stronger than ever before--because of three crucial elements.

Element #1: Devotion to our little nuclear family. My husband and I cherish our two young sons, and our life together as a family, above everything else. I do mean EVERYTHING else. My husband and I have vowed that we will do whatever it takes to hold our little family together and to provide a loving, peaceful, secure home environment for our boys. We do not want this family to be divided, physically or emotionally. It's not that my husband and I judge others for choosing divorce, it's that we have decided that we will do everything in our power to keep our two-parent, one-home household intact. Even when our marital conflicts have been at their worst, my hubby and I have cherished our family life. Even during those periods when he and I seemed to be a terrible twosome, we knew that with our sons, we had a fabulous foursome, and we didn't want to give that up. So all those times my husband and I have busted our butts to keep our marriage together, ultimately we've been fighting for the life of our family of four.

Element #2: Appreciation for the beauty in each other. And I'm not referring only to physical appearance, though we do make concerted efforts to express and celebrate our attraction to each other. The beauty that my husband and I cherish most in each other is the kind that goes beyond what can be reflected in any mirror. Sense of humor, kindness, passion, faithfulness, thoughtfulness...those are some of the qualities that make my husband a beautiful person (by the way, he also has an adorable smile). Until about three years ago, however, I took my husband's inner (as well as outer) beauty for granted. I generally avoid that mistake nowadays. Of course, my other (often BETTER) half seldom has failed to shower me with appreciation and affection. I'm still not quite as generous with compliments (or kisses) as he is, but I am working on it.

Element #3: Playfulness. I'm sure you've heard that "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," right? Well, marriages that are all work and no play are dull, too. Hubby and I realized more than a year ago that our relationship had become rather stagnant and boring. But we still enjoyed reminiscing about those long-ago months when we were dating, that time period when we had so few responsibilities or worries compared to the burdens we've been shouldering in recent years. We figured out that a crucial ingredient had been missing from our marriage: FUN. Hubby and I resolved to spend more time being playful (not just in the bedroom, either, so get your mind out of the gutter!). We have made it a priority to have fun together. Bottom line: we've worked hard at playing. And that may sound like a paradox, but it has helped us enjoy each other again. It's a lot more rewarding to stay married to a person if you are truly enjoying that person's company.